QLC Relationship, the conclusion of a 3 part series

Today, in America, millions Quarter Lifers will discuss/rip a fellow Quarter Lifer that has found his or her way into a QLC Relationship. But there is no reason for these Quarter Lifers to panic or show faux concern (a common trait of QLs). While a QLC relationship might be a terrible thing it only has a shelf life of 7 months exactly. Below is the exact pattern every QLC relationship follows.

Stage 1: Could this be Love?

• 1st to 3rd Month


• the two Quarter Lifers spend every free second together


• 90-94% of the conversations b/w the two love birds regard sex, sexual parts, things you want to do during sex, and how great each QL is at sex.


• Friends talk "could he or she really marry this person?"

Stage 2: Who is this person?

• 4th to 5th Month


• Still spend every free second with each other


• 50-55% of conversations deal with sex


• 40-45 % of the time spent getting to know your QLC Relationship mate. And its not pretty. Wow out of nowhere the Quarter Lifer sees faults, annoyances, questionable character that might have been pushed to the back burner due to the riveting and relevant doggy style discussions of the past three months.
  
  While this recognition occurs, this QLC Relationship still has legs and at least a 2 month fight left in it. You see this Quarter Lifer fancies themselves a mature relationship person and has also acquired a penchant for regular sex. So this QL will craft a great illusion about their relationship. While most would describe the Quarter Lifer's companion as annoying, insane, or boring. The Quarter Lifer will say he or she is "really interesting", "one of a kind", or an "elitist."

Stage 3: Its sooo Over

• 6th Month


• No its not......the 6th month is always when the first "break up" occurs. This "break up" usually last 4-7 days. During that "break-up" Usually friends of the Quarter Lifers make the huge mistake of letting the QLer know how terrible their "ex" was. This is usually a respectable move but just a month too early.

Stage 4: When it all Falls Down

• 7th Month
• 5% Sex Talk - But these are negative comments about the other's performance or possible weight gain (common in a QLCR).


• Spend little time together


• This month is typically highlighted with non-stop fighting, at least one public embarrasment and realization "holy shit this has been 7 months, I'm in a QLC relationship!" But I tell this Quarter Lifer who cares? All that matters is you never put yourself or your friends through another one of these again. Take some time, decompress, get that QLCR stench off of you and take comfort that you have avoided any "weekend projects" for a good two to three years.

Quarter Life Crisis Relationships, part 2 of a 3 part series

Its very likely you are a good person and you have friends that are also good people. Then why is at any moment you can name at least one friend currently in a QLC Relationship?

To answer that question we must first acknowledge a divide in the Quarter Lifer camp. While most Quarter Lifers go about our days pretending we are unified by group dissilussionment and deep seeded resentment towards are parents that spoiled us so greatly that nothing but extreme wealth, success, or fame could ever make us happy. However, there is actually a great fracturing line amongst the Quarter Lifers...... Single Quarter Lifers and Couple Quarter Lifers

Both are somewhere in the age of 25-30 (sidenote 24 year olds still have a positive vigor, for proof check out the excellent http://freshfresca.blogspot.com/ written by a 24 year old aspiring chef who should still have that optimism for another year) and lead equally unfulfilling existences. Yet, every weekend the behavior differences of Single Quarter Lifers and Couple Quarter Lifers requires that we divide what was once thought of a solitary group.

On the weekends a Single Quarter Lifer will go to the new talked about bar in town. This Quarter Lifer will look around see a beatiful girl and out of nowhere a voice in its head will say "did someone I.D. that girl?" This awfull fight of maintaing youth and suppressing the natural development of maturity defines the weekends of most Single Quarter Lifers. The Single Quarter Lifer is also constantly posing himself this question "when my parents were this age were they thinking about payments on a mortgage or will I get away with sending that ridiculous drunk text." Usually the only answer to calm these inner battles is to begin excessive consumption of alcohol followed by a long, lonely, overpriced taxi-ride home.

In contrast, weekends for the Couple Quarter Lifer is a completely different experience. For this group weekends aren't so much a time for rest and relaxation, but instead an oppurtunity to complete "PROJECTS" that have been building up all week. CQLs apparently have maintenance problems and the need for aesthetic improvements that Single Quarter Lifers don't have. And a peice of advice, if a Couple Quarter Lifer tells you they have a "PROJECT" this upcoming weekend just leave it at that....you don't want to hear about it because its boring and it can be depressing and make you feel really old to hear how happy your friend is playing Bob Villa.

So what does all of this have to do with a QLC Relationship? The great migration from Single Quarter Lifers to Couple Quarter Lifers is what pushes most people into the QLC Relationship. You see once you first begin your Quarter Life Crisis around the age of 25 the Single Quarter Life camp is a very large bunch. You can sit around making fun of any Couple Quarter Lifer at home probably staying up making diagrams for the upcoming weekend "Project."

But with every year, more and more Single Quarter Lifers become CQLs. And my god, doesn't the SQL camp become an unsortly bunch around 28. All of a sudden the SQL crew looks more like a refugee camp for the ugly, emotionally undeveloped, and sort you would never let baby sitt your children. It is this need to go from the SQL camp to the CQL camp that will make a Quarter Lifer break down and enter a QLC Relationship.

Please Join Us at the Quarter Life Crisis Media Guide tomorrow when we explain why you have no reason to fear if your best friend has entered a QLC Relationship and diagram the 4 phases of QLC relationship.

QUARTER LIFE CRISIS RELATIONSHIP, part 1 of a 3 part series

Take a deep breath...Remain calm....This is really happening. You and one of your best friends just had the talk. Yes the painfully uncomfortable talk where it is revealed your friend is now seriously dating someone you have said awfull things about with THAT friend.

But relax, this isn't your fault, its your friend's fault for falling into the bear trap we call a Quarter Life Crisis Relationship. There is no way he or she would be dating that person five years ago. So how could you know it wasn't safe to point out the obvious flaws of some socially inferior person? So don't panic (you will), and please don't say "Oh once i got to know X he or she really impressed me or X just didn't give a great first impression or X really grew on me." It will come off insencere and is giving your friend a pass on his or her terrible choice.

That conversation would never take place in college. Why? You always knew your friend was interested in someone. They would either tell you or get embarrasingly drunk in front of the person of interest. But college is over, and reading the inner workings of a Quarter Lifer is much more difficult. You see Quarter Lifers are a jaded, weathered and damaged bunch. Even if they truly like another person, the guarded armadillo like Quarter Lifer will only courageously reveal "he or she is allright." So here is a normal progression of comments a Quarter Lifer will make in the weeks leading up to a Quarter Life Crisis Relationship, if you can recognize this pattern you can avoid those awkward talk with your friends in the future:

"I mean, I know she sucks but you would hit it right? She's cute right?"

"He or she IS in pretty good shape"

"I mean yeah he or she spent the night two nights in a row, but he or she knows the deal. We both do"

"We went to dinner.....I paid..... but I mean its cheaper than a strip club."

This last line is always followed with an extremely uncomfortable laugh. Not only is this a terrible joke but both people know that one party is days, if not hours away from entering a QLC Relationship.


Come back as we further dive into the dynamics of a QLC relationship and answer the questions: why do QLC relationships always last 7 months? why do people find themselves in QLC relationships? and most importantly are you in a QLC relationship?